It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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