no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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