I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
