Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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