one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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