dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
