don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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