I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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