i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
