we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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