the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
