The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
