butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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