even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
