I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
