Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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