paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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