Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
