You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
