he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
