i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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