I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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