So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
PANTIES FOUND
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