If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
