i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
