One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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