I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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