oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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