apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
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We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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