No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
