I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
