WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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