I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
