life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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