She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just cropdusted the office
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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