those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
