You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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