honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
