my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
