I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
