oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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