we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
