sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
