I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
