I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
