I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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