I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
