I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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