My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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