Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
