Midget sex pt 2 tonight
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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