the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
