I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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