my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
