five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
