My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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