Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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