so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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