Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
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She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
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We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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