Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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