if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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