He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
