doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
