just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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