shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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