i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
