sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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